Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize