god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We need to rekindle our bromance
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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