The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
where are my eyebrows?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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