Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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