i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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