I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize