so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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