Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
