No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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