my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
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Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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