Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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