We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize