My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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