she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize