He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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