roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize