who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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