Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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