Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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