I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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