Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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