we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is my gift to your gina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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