Barsexuality is the new black.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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