you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
babies were throwing up all over the place
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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