I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We have started to decorate penises.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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