the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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