and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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