no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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