I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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