I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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