If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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