I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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