I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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