Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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