Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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