Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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