If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize