I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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