Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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