apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize