I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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