i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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