I'm drive I can fine osifer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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