I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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