i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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