No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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