i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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