covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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