I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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