It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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