In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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