I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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