i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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